And again...

We're going to save our relationship, our marriage, and our life....

we're still apart, but working hard on moving in the right direction...

i love you.

And so it goes...

The time has finally come to admit that it is over.

Wolf and I separated about a month ago. There are probably a million things I can say yet I can't seem to figure out how to word what I am feeling. We are separated by quite a few states... but we do talk a lot... like almost everyday. We love each other, and will always be very close, but the relationship just wasn't working anymore, and Lord knows it wasn't for lack of trying. It is a very amiable separation, which is amazing because we get to stay friends, and the kids aren't put in a rough spot.

Three days after he left I found out that I'm pregnant.

Last week my gall bladder started throwing damn stones everywhere landing me in the hospital for 3 days. My pancreas went off the deep end too. It wasn't fun.

Gall bladder will be coming out in a little over a month.... they had to wait until the second trimester to remove it. Pancreas stays in...lol... its kinda necessary.

Still pregnant....lol.


Thats my update. I still read my friends' blogs, even if I can't think of much to say myself anymore.


<3

General Busy-ness

So life is soooo crazy. I'm still out of work due to some serious health issues on my end. I'm doin okay, but work may not appreciate it much since they still haven't approved my short term disability claim. Losers. Anyways... we are moving in less than two weeks. This is a good thing, I hope...lol. So just in case I lose my job I have been trying to come up with someone I can do instead. Any ideas anyone?

Little bit of this.....

.... little bit of that....


So its been forever. And I mean forever....lol.

Life has been rough. My health crashed and i developed some minor heart problems. Everything is under control right now, but the anxiety it has caused has been unbelievable. Master has developed what appears to be a hernia and may have to have surgery soon, which adds to the worry and the anxiety.

There hasn't been much Master/sub activity here lately. Obviously we have been a little overwhelmed and simply struggling to make it through the chaos. I can't work right now and I'm still waiting to see if my short term disability claim is going to be approved. I'm really really hoping so.

The kids are doing okay. The girls still ask for D and still cry for her, which breaks my heart and makes me wish I had never been stupid enough to let them get close to her. It will be a long long long time before I let someone into my kids' lives like that again.

Aside from that we're all okay.

Daddy, Her, babies, and life...

So life is moving on at a steady pace. It's been a rough few weeks... but i see changes in life happening and they are going to be so good. I just have this feeling.

Daddy and i have done a lot of talking, and it has been discovered that although i love Daddy with all my heart, i want to experience the dominance of a female. I don't wish to be owned by a female... but something about dominant feminine energy makes me feel like i do when Daddy is around. Safe, happy, and content.

She does this for me. She is sweet, yet firm. She is rarely tolerant of those things she knows i shouldn't be doing... and she is careful never to overstep. She gets along well with Daddy too, which is amazingly wonderful.

This time slow is the name of the game. We are not interested in being someone's back door, back-up plan, or emergency assistance... unless the emergency assistance is truly necessary. We are taking the time to build a rock solid foundation, and it is working so well. She is also being careful to take things slowly because, as we have all found out the hard way, when you rush something problems tend to occur.

I do know that the soul holds all the answers and is an inner compass. My soul is telling me that this relationship has a great chance. I know there is a lot of apprehension on all sides... but we are all keeping communication open.

The littlest ones are doing fine. Little Master is 7 months old now... which just blows my mind. He's so adorable, and is so strong. He has a very strong and demanding personality (wonder where that comes from...lol). The girls are very active, very strong willed, and very bratty (stop thinking it...lol... Daddy said thats from me, but I don't see that...lol).

Life is not perfect... but it sure is becoming that way...

Tomorrow...

A very good friend of mine has an interview at the company I work for. I've never actually met this friend in person, but gave him my name as an employee referral. I work for one of those companies that rarely looks at anyone who isn't referred by an employee. The part that amuses me so much is that this friend lives (and applied for a job in) a completely different region. Maybe just having a name there is enough...lol. Anyways, back to the point... good luck B! I'm thinking good thought for you!

I never did succeed in getting SSA to answer the phone today. Daddy said that Monday's are a horrible day to call them and that I should be fine tomorrow. I just want an update on the file, thats all.

School is still going good... which makes me a happy girl. Daddy and i had a good day, which also makes me a happy girl... and i spent time talking to her... which adds to my happy-girl-ness. She wasn't here after my shower tho, which took away some from my happy-girl-ness.

I feel a little better, but my knee messed up again and that's not cool. It currently feels like someone is driving a metal stake through it... and it hurts all the way down into my big toe. Not interested in going back to the doctor for it though because I am not doing PT again and there's really nothing left to do for it. I'm missing the cartilage behind the kneecap, and my damn kneecap refuses to move up and down like its supposed to. It moves left to right, which is stupid if you ask me. It should just do its damn job.

Spanking news... there really isn't any. I got 5 swats today for not remembering how to respond to a simple question...lol. Other than that.... nothin.

I really need the damn aleve to kick in. I don't think thats too much to ask.

I...

... don't feel well. Again.

I'm tired, achy, feverish, and have a migraine... and this does not make me a happy girl.

Trying to call SSA is like pulling teeth.

So anyways....

It was a very long weekend, hashing out the direction we want life to go in. A lot was decided and we are now working together and have finally really heard each other. It feels nice and so far is going very very well.

I'm staying home from work... cleaning a little... making some phone calls... and waiting for Daddy to wake up... and for her to come online.